The true message of popular Christmas entertainments

December 11, 2014
  • A Christmas Carol – If you’re cheerful enough, you can yell at some random boy on the street and he will bring you a turkey.
  • It’s a Wonderful Life – The worst fate that can ever befall a woman is to become a librarian.
  • Frosty the Snowman – Friends sometimes melt but will somehow reform later.
  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas – It is easy to make a dog complicit in your home invasion crimes.
  • Miracle on 34th Street – Gimbel’s was a much better department store than Macy’s.
  • Jingle Bells – Go get dragged behind a horse in the snow and soon you’ll be laughing for no particular reason.
  • The Star Wars Holiday Special – The seventies were a magical time.
  • Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – You are under constant surveillance.
  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – Reindeer are bigots.
  • A Charlie Brown Christmas – Children are jerks. Children are incredibly imaginative dancers. Putting ornaments on a tree makes it grow new branches.
  • Peace on Earth / Little Drummer BoyDavid Bowie can show up at your house at any moment. Be ready. Lock the doors.
  • Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – We don’t understand what rock is.
  • Jingle Bell Rock – We don’t understand what rock is.
  • Santa Baby – Adults ruin everything.
  • John


    Friends of Wits Doing Stuff

    John Munson (@munsongs)‘s other band, The New Standards, is bringing its Holiday Show to NYC’s Lincoln Center on Dec. 18. Guests include: Janey Winterbauer (@winnerbowzer), Har Mar Superstar (@HarMarSuperstar), Nellie McKay, Craig Finn (@steadycraig), Dessa (@dessadarling), Mike Doughty (@mikedoughty), Rhett Miller (@rhettmiller), and more, somehow.

    The Comedy Grammy nominees were announced, and the Wits guest contingent is STRONG. Congratulations to “Weird Al” Yankovic (@alyankovic), Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt), and Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan).

    Patton, who hasn’t been quiet about the Bill Cosby allegations, went even further on Pete Holmes’ You Made It Weird podcast.

    Aisha Tyler (@aishatyler) doesn’t just give you her top ten television shows of the year, she suggests a drink pairing for each one.

    Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) covered Badfinger’s immortal “No Matter What” with the great Austin, Texas band Centro-matic. It’s only a partial clip, but the fiercely rockin’ dads in the front row really sell it.


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