The true message of popular Christmas entertainments

December 11, 2014
  • A Christmas Carol – If you’re cheerful enough, you can yell at some random boy on the street and he will bring you a turkey.
  • It’s a Wonderful Life – The worst fate that can ever befall a woman is to become a librarian.
  • Frosty the Snowman – Friends sometimes melt but will somehow reform later.
  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas – It is easy to make a dog complicit in your home invasion crimes.
  • Miracle on 34th Street – Gimbel’s was a much better department store than Macy’s.
  • Jingle Bells – Go get dragged behind a horse in the snow and soon you’ll be laughing for no particular reason.
  • The Star Wars Holiday Special – The seventies were a magical time.
  • Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – You are under constant surveillance.
  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – Reindeer are bigots.
  • A Charlie Brown Christmas – Children are jerks. Children are incredibly imaginative dancers. Putting ornaments on a tree makes it grow new branches.
  • Peace on Earth / Little Drummer BoyDavid Bowie can show up at your house at any moment. Be ready. Lock the doors.
  • Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – We don’t understand what rock is.
  • Jingle Bell Rock – We don’t understand what rock is.
  • Santa Baby – Adults ruin everything.
  • John

    Friends of Wits Doing Stuff

    John Munson (@munsongs)‘s other band, The New Standards, is bringing its Holiday Show to NYC’s Lincoln Center on Dec. 18. Guests include: Janey Winterbauer (@winnerbowzer), Har Mar Superstar (@HarMarSuperstar), Nellie McKay, Craig Finn (@steadycraig), Dessa (@dessadarling), Mike Doughty (@mikedoughty), Rhett Miller (@rhettmiller), and more, somehow.

    The Comedy Grammy nominees were announced, and the Wits guest contingent is STRONG. Congratulations to “Weird Al” Yankovic (@alyankovic), Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt), and Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan).

    Patton, who hasn’t been quiet about the Bill Cosby allegations, went even further on Pete Holmes’ You Made It Weird podcast.

    Aisha Tyler (@aishatyler) doesn’t just give you her top ten television shows of the year, she suggests a drink pairing for each one.

    Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) covered Badfinger’s immortal “No Matter What” with the great Austin, Texas band Centro-matic. It’s only a partial clip, but the fiercely rockin’ dads in the front row really sell it.

    Did you know there is a Wits newsletter?  Much like the Infinite Guest newsletter, it comes out every week, with original content from Wits host John Moe, updates on new shows, what guests and friends of the program are up to, videos from the Wits YouTube channel, the whole shebang.

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