Relevant Oscar Categories

January 21, 2015

The Oscar nominations have been announced and they’re all screwed up. Not that the nominees didn’t do a great job, I’m sure they did, but there are so many other categories that make a difference in my movie-going experience. Don’t worry, The Academy, I can provide you with a list of …

RELEVANT OSCAR CATEGORIES

Most Michael Keaton — Obviously Birdman wins this time around but there should be an annual award for whichever movie gives Keaton the most screen time.

Best Explosion to Necessary Explosion Ratio — Hey, I love watching stuff blow up but rarely do those blowings up matter to the story. Let’s see who can shrink that ratio the most.

Best Use of the Phrase “We’re in!” by Someone Playing a Computer Hacker — Lots of options. Every single hacker character says it.

Best Use of the Phrase “Don’t you GET IT?!” Preceding Expository Explanation — Again, plenty of candidates.

Most Egregious Product Placement — Hey, if we’re going to be crass anyway, let’s recognize achievements in crassness.

Most Peevish Kevin Costner Performance — I love Kevin but he always looks peevish in movies. Something’s always bugging him. Let’s lean in to that and see how peevish he can get. We could name the award after Gene Hackman if you want.

Best Performance by a Dog in Sunglasses — It’s always hilarious! A dog?! Wearing SUNGLASSES?! Come on! We need more of that.

Best Performance by a Child in Sunglasses –- See above. Bonus points if “Bad to the Bone” or “Oh Yeah” is playing.

Best Expository Speech by a Baddie — With the rash of superhero movies lately, we’ve had a lot of supervillains, and they always need to explain their motivations and life stories.

Most Cliches Avoided — Award to movie that features the most fruit carts left intact, fancy cars unharmed, sheets of glass toted safely across a street, or people told to stay in a car who actually do.

OK! Hollywood solved!

John


Friends of Wits Doing Stuff

Paul Scheer (@paulscheer), along with co-hosts June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas, shared the story of how How Did This Get Made? got made.

Eric Stonestreet (@ericstonestreet) will soon join David Koechner (@DavidKoechner) as Wits guests who are diehard fans of the Kansas City Chiefs.

Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) interviewed Comedy Bang! Bang! veteran player James Adomian (@JAdomian) about their 10-year comedic relationship.

Grant-Lee Phillips (@GrantLeeTweets) looked back on his time as the Town Troubadour on Gilmore Girls and revealed that he has a new record coming out this year.


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