You Must Remember This often contains wild tales from Hollywood’s colorful past, so much so that it can become difficult to keep track of all the sordid details while you listen to it and pretend to be working, parenting, paying attention to the road, etc. Now, there’s help. As you listen to Star Wars Episode V: Rita Hayworth and Orson Welles, this handy Sordidness Tracker will help you follow who was doing what to whom.
Terrible, abusive fathers: One.
Terrible, abusive husbands/de facto pimps: One.
Is old, racist Hollywood in effect: Yes.
Does this manifest itself in hairstyling decisions: Also yes.
Is it just me, or is there a lot of classic White Stripes in this episode: It is not just you.
God “The Hardest Button to Button” rules so hard: It really does.
Who is that imitating Orson Welles, because it’s not Karina: It is Larry Herold.
Affairs: Multiple (Welles and Judy Garland being the most notable).
Magic acts as part of the war effort: One. Not tricks, magic.
Howard Hughes, havin’ sex: Not this time.
Possibly false $8,000 dresses (adjusted for inflation): One.
Definitely false accusations of Orson Welles bifurcating the Black Dahlia: One.
Failed Broadway musicals: One.
Halls of mirrors: One.
Elopements over the lunch hour: One.
Feelings of lifelong guilt: Oh yeah.
Also mentioned: Father/daughter dance teams in Mexican nightclubs, boy geniuses, threats of acid-throwing.