The Walking Dead is back with new episodes and I’m super excited. Part of that is because Steven Yeun, who plays Glenn on the show, was on Wits last year and was hilarious. But I’m mostly excited because I love the show. I love watching the human survivors cope in a world with a seemingly endless supply of zombies. I care about the characters on the show so I sometimes think of ways that they can stay safe.
WAYS THAT THE CHARACTERS ON THE WALKING DEAD CAN AVOID GETTING KILLED BY ZOMBIES
Walk briskly – You don’t need to run away. You don’t even need to speed walk. Just a little spring in your step and you’re fine.
Hide in a room with a door – Lock it if you want but zombies can’t even work a doorknob.
Go out on a boat – Come on, those things can’t swim. Find somewhere with boats. You can have your pick.
Walk to the second floor of a building – What, you think zombies can handle stairs or elevators? No problem. Get some sleep up there.
Travel somewhere that has winter – No zombie makes it through a Minnesota winter.
Act like a zombie yourself – They’ve done this a few times on The Walking Dead and it works great. Zombies are no great detectives.
Maybe blindfold them – Admittedly it would be easier to impale their heads or chop the heads off but a blindfolded zombie is harmless and HILARIOUS.
Stuff cauliflower in their mouths – They’ll associate human flesh with the grossest vegetable and leave you alone. Word will get around.
Talk to the zombies and become friends with them – High risk, yes, but potentially high reward.
Try to get them to invest in your pyramid scheme – Oh, they’ll leave you alone after that.
Wait – Eventually they’re all going to deteriorate in the heat or get stuck in a revolving door or something. Just be patient.
Good luck, characters. I’ll be screaming these tips at my TV if you need any extra help.
Friends of Wits Doing Stuff
Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) is a guest on Marc Maron (@marcmaron)‘s WTF podcast, and we find out that Jim was a finance major in college. They also talk about food and absent fathers, because they’re Jim Gaffigan and Marc Maron, respectively.
Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) spoke with Esquire about his new book, Silver Screen Fiend, and the differences between the early Star Wars movies and the later ones (or the good ones and the bad ones, if you’d rather).
Rhett Miller (@rhettmiller) bolstered his status as a rock ‘n roll Renaissance man this week by hosting an SF Sketchfest show with guests Michael Chabon, Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins), and John Vanderslice, and writing a review of the new Belle & Sebastian album for The Talkhouse.
Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) and Amanda Shires (@amandashires) appeared on a special Valentine’s Day edition of the Death, Sex & Money podcast, to talk about love (duh) and the temptations that face a touring musician.
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