You Must Remember This often contains wild tales from Hollywood’s colorful past, so much so that it can become difficult to keep track of all the sordid details while you listen to it and pretend to be working, parenting, paying attention to the road, etc. Now, there’s help. As you listen to Star Wars Episode XII: Bob Hope vs. Bing Crosby, this handy Sordidness Tracker will help you follow who was doing what to whom.
Prohibition-era DUIs that damaged famous hotels: One.
Philandering, quietly tolerated: Yes.
Tell-all books written by angry sons: One (Gary Crosby).
Fun drunks: One (Bing).
Less-fun drunks: One (Bing’s first wife, Dixie).
Speculative fetal alcohol syndrome that may have led to later-in-life consequences, suicides: Yes.
“The Road…” movies as a bridge from the Marx Brothers to Mel Brooks: Proposed.
Does Karina Longworth imitate Bob Hope and Bing Crosby: Yes! Also a British hotel concierge.
Are they better than her Dustin Hoffman impression: No. (It’s at the 9:40 mark if you’re looking.)
Howard Hughes, havin’ sex: Howard Hughes does not have sex in this episode.
J. Edgar Hoover, bein’ a dink: J. Edgar Hoover is not a dink in this episode.
Instances of blackface during an otherwise classic film: One (Holiday Inn).
Will your jaw drop during the clip from Holiday Inn‘s Abraham Lincoln song: Without question.
Wars in which “White Christmas” played a role: Two.
Is that … is that “Silent Lucidity”: Yes.
Queensryche! Queensryche wails: Yes.
Also mentioned: Struck verses from “White Christmas,” the last episode of M*A*S*H, the Zucker brothers.