John Moe vs. Mel Kiper, Jr.: Who You Got?

May 5, 2015

(NOTE FROM STU: John Moe analyzed the needs of the top ten teams in 2015 NFL Draft, and submitted the mock draft below prior to the event.  How did he fare compared to ESPN’s Mel Kiper, Jr., who is a grown man with the actual job title “NFL Draft Expert,” which will never not be funny?  Read to find out!)

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – I understand pirates are historically men but you need a pirate queen to really make the crew compelling.

Moe: Pirate Queen.

Kiper: Jameis Winston, QB, Florida State.

Actual Pick: Jameis Winston, QB, Florida State.

2. Tennessee Titans – Owners of the worst helmet, which looks, as has been pointed out before, like a thumbtack set ablaze by natural gas fumes.

Moe: Expert helmet logo designer.

Kiper: Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon.

Actual Pick: Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars – Too many people pronounce the team name “Jagwires.”

Moe: Enunciation coach.

Kiper: Leonard Williams, DE, USC.

Actual Pick: Dante Fowler, Jr., DE, Florida.

4. Oakland Raiders – The Raiders, I predict, will stick to tradition.

Moe: Some wide receiver no one has ever heard of.

Kiper: Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama.

Actual Pick: Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama.

5. Washington Team

Moe: A branding consultant, for crying out loud. One that you actually listen to.

Kiper: Dante Fowler, Jr., DE, Florida.  

Actual Pick: Brandon Scherff, OT, Iowa.

6. New York Jets – Team needs a franchise quarterback.

Moe: Joe Namath. IT WORKED BEFORE, AFTER ALL.

Kiper: Kevin White, WR, West Virginia.

Actual Pick: Leonard Williams, DE, USC.

7. Chicago Bears – My mother-in-law lives in Chicago. I bet she’d like someone to go shopping with.

Moe: A nice older lady.

Kiper: Brandon Scherff, OT, Iowa.

Actual Pick: Kevin White, WR, West Virginia.

8. Atlanta Falcons – Real falcons love to eat mice. Maybe these Falcons should try it. Couldn’t hurt.

Moe: Mice.

Kiper: Bud Dupree, OLB, Kentucky.

Actual Pick: Vic Beasley, OLB, Clemson.

9. New York Giants – It’s New York! Home of Broadway!

Moe: Ms. Rita Moreno.

Kiper: Ereck Flowers, OT, Miami (FL).

Actual Pick: Ereck Flowers, OT, Miami (FL).

10. St. Louis Rams – They have those horns on their helmet. So if they had an actual ram out there, he’d have twice as many horns and be twice as good.

Moe: Some ram.

Kiper: Devante Parker, WR, Louisville.

Actual Pick: Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia.

John

(NOTE FROM STU: Kiper, who spends countless hours analyzing which player will go to which team, picked four correctly; Moe, who wrote this in the middle of producing five Wits episodes in seven weeks, picked .5 correctly (he did say the Oakland Raiders would take “some wide receiver,” which they did, so he is being awarded a half-point).  In the strict numerical sense, Kiper wins, but in terms of time spent putting together accurate mock drafts, public radio’s John Moe is the true mock draft champion.)


Friends of Wits Doing Stuff

Keegan-Michael Key (@KeeganMKey) stole the show at the White House Correspondents Dinner by reprising his “Luther, Obama’s anger translator” character from Key & Peele.

Colin Hanks (@ColinHanks) introduced his new show, Call-In Pranks with Colin Hanks, to Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) and Reggie Watts (@reggiewatts) on Comedy Bang Bang. Looks promising!

Superchunk (@superchunk)‘s Mac McCaughan (@MacMerge) spoke with Indy Week about his new solo record, Non-Believers, the first album he’s released under his own name.

Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) and Amanda Shires Isbell (@amandashires) performed a beautiful cover of Warren Zevon’s “Mutineer” on one of David Letterman (a longtime friend of Zevon’s)’s final shows. If you click on just one thing here, that’s the one.

Open Mike Eagle (@Mike_Eagle) released a brand new video for his song, “Celebrity Reduction Prayer,” and it is also worth your click.


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