So I was in my movie theater last night. That’s right. MY movie theater. Yes, technically, it’s my garage with a projector we got at a garage sale and some old DVDs but MY MOVIE THEATER. Watching Empire Strikes Back. And I noticed the scene where Han Solo flies the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid where a huge space worm tries to eat it. Because that’s what huge space worms do: They live in asteroids so they can eat their favorite meal, errant space ships. What? Really? No, of course not.
It got me thinking about other logical inconsistencies in the Star Wars movies.
LOGICAL INCONSISTENCIES IN STAR WARS MOVIES
– Space is infinity miles wide, infinity miles long, infinity miles deep. So why do you need a trash compactor? Go ahead and litter.
– It was neat that Anakin/Vader threw the Emperor down a big hole to save Luke but he still killed loads of people including Jedi children and at least one whole planet. So why is everyone suddenly cool with Ghost Anakin hanging out on Endor with the Ewoks?
– Why didn’t the Empire, the big mean powerful Empire, encrypt its file of Death Star schematics loaded on to R2-D2?
– If these are some of the most significant movies of all time, why couldn’t the acting be at least good?
– If these are some of the most significant movies of all time, why were episodes one through three? Seriously, why were they?
– Was C-3PO made in the England part of space? Is that why he talks that way? Where is Space England?
– Are Jawas so lazy that they never bothered to grow faces and just put a couple of lights in there instead?
– It’s hard to believe that an organization as big as the Empire would have no marketing department so why name the thing Death Star?
– Wouldn’t someone as sharp as Lando Calrissian realize that the cape is a little over the top?
– When the snow monster attacks Luke on Hoth, why doesn’t Luke laugh at what a terrible costume the guy is forced to wear?
– When they go to light speed, why doesn’t time reverse and send them to an even longer, longer time ago?
– What was the function of that scene in Return of the Jedi where John Davidson comes out and sings a couple of show tunes?
– How does Chewbacca get away with not wearing pants?
Looking forward to the new movie. But I’ll be ready.
Friends of Wits Doing Stuff
Open Mike Eagle (@Mike_Eagle) appeared on Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins)‘ SPONTANEANATION podcast, hosted Aesop Rock on his own Secret Skin podcast, and released Conversation Parade, a brand-new podcast about Adventure Time that Mike is co-hosting with John Moe. The first two episodes are available now.
Did you know there is a Wits newsletter? Much like the Infinite Guest newsletter, it comes out every week, with original content from Wits host John Moe, updates on new shows, what guests and friends of the program are up to, videos from the Wits YouTube channel, the whole shebang.
Would you like to subscribe? Enter information in the Internet boxes (technical term) BELOW.