Ways to deal with mosquito bites

July 8, 2015

Summer is in full swing and that means mosquitoes are here to make your life a little more awful. It also means I’m here to help.

Scratch a different part of your body – We all know not to scratch the bite, makes it worse. But if you have a bite on your leg, scratch your arm. This actually works although only temporarily and not much.

Put toothpaste on the bite– It’s always on hand and it might help a little.

Kill all mosquitoes everywhere – If they’re all dead, none of them can bite you. This is admittedly a bit more time-consuming.

Make friends with the mosquito and make it realize that we’re all brothers and sisters, man – Good luck with that.

Cry about it – You baby.

Catch them in the act – Then squeeze them so your blood goes back into you along with some of their blood. Now you are part mosquito and empathize with them a little more.

Set up one of those horrible stinky candles – You’ll get bit by mosquitoes anyway but at least your yard will smell like a hippy’s shed.

Realize that you deserve the bite – Remember that one time you did something kind of mean or thoughtless? Exactly. Now look.

Put honey on it – The itch will go away although now guess what, genius? You have a bear problem. Nice going.

Alcohol – Rubbing, that is. Or just have some cocktails. Hey, I’m not going to judge you. Seems like you should be able to deal with a mosquito bite without hitting the bottle right away but what do I know?

Bite a mosquito – Won’t help your own bite but you will be a legend in the mosquito community.

Good luck!

John


Friends of Wits Doing Stuff

Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) is putting an end to his Speakeasy show, but not before welcoming Hannibal Buress (@hannibalburess) to the finale.

Speaking of Paul, he is continuing his Dead Authors podcast, and his most recent guest is Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly), who portrays Dianetics author L. Ron Hubbard.

Maria Bamford (@mariabamfoo) is finally getting her own show. It’s a collaboration with Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz, it’s called Lady Dynamite, and is coming to your Netflix in the near future. (Can confirm that there were actual high-fives exchanged at Wits HQ when this was announced.)

Netflix is also home to the upcoming Tig Notaro documentary, which will cover her life, career, her now-legendary post-cancer diagnosis stand-up set in 2012, and more. You can watch the trailer below.


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