Too Beautiful to Live is a daily podcast from Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh. It's about life, current events, pop culture, puttering, laser baldness helmets, and tonight pants.


Episode #2533: Hyperbolic Space Junk

December 14, 2017 · Duration: 1:15:10 · Play

Luke and Andrew wonder if we’re being watched by aliens, and they talk about their strategies for using Google maps to lower their personal anxieties. Oh, and Luke had a situation at the airport. Must be a Thursday

Episode #2532: Dr. Howdakiss

December 13, 2017 · Duration: 1:21:41 · Play

There’s a passive aggressive war going on among the Burbank pets, and a different passive aggressive war going on right outside Andrew’s window. Plus, a group of Gawker writers are trying to raise money to buy their publication back, and the internet ruins a good short story published by The New Yorker. 

Episode #2531: Not All Heroes Have Itasca

December 12, 2017 · Duration: 1:08:39 · Play

Luke received an email today that he thinks is pretty annoying. He needs a ruling though, so Andrew breaks out his “judge’s hammer” in a segment we’re calling “Is This Annoying?” Plus, a listener gets hornswaggled at the deli and needs to vent.

Episode #2530: The Stanford Browns Experiment

December 11, 2017 · Duration: 2:04:42 · Play

The official color of 2018 has been announced, and Luke doesn’t like it. But Andrew does. They also discuss a fancy dinner that would be Andrew’s nightmare, and Carey joins the boys to discuss this weekend’s disappointing football games (and Luke’s stretchy-pants) in this week’s installment of No Point Conversion.

Episode #2529: Blue Collar Cosplay

December 8, 2017 · Duration: 1:06:40 · Play

Luke rolls into Walsh Walsh & Doormat hepped up on too much coffee looking to discuss Viral Bros, The Human Blanket, and Mickey Avalon’s Complicated Take On Gender Issues.

Episode #2528: Horses Are The Poor Man’s Rocketship

December 7, 2017 · Duration: 1:30:27 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss examples of “The Mandela Effect”, where many people all seem to remember cultural events incorrectly, which leads to a conversation about why the Berenstain Bears used to wig Luke out. Plus, Andrew stumbles on a family mystery regarding his old skateboard, and Wendy’s (the fast food chain) experiments with film criticism.

Episode #2527: North Of Chrome River, South Of Firmware

December 6, 2017 · Duration: 1:19:07 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss some Skyjinx (woo!) after an airplane with broken toilets had to make an emergency landing in Montana. Luke wonders if the passengers could have just toughed it out. They also talk about expense reports, firmware updates, and cities that begin with the letter A. 

Episode #2526: Pouring Gasoline On The Hilarity Fire

December 5, 2017 · Duration: 1:28:24 · Play

Luke and Andrew return to basics with a 90 minute episode covering Luke’s love/hate relationship with Alex Trebek, forgotten passwords, and why you shouldn’t mix up the words “cathartic” and “catatonic”. Plus, two stories of implosions gone wrong, and an accidental conversation about threats to journalism.

Episode #2525: More Is Less

December 4, 2017 · Duration: 3:00:41 · Play

Luke and Andrew make TBTL history with the longest episode ever. They get more than a little help from David “The Last Burbank” Burbank and Rudy the Rude Dog. Topics include: An auto-correct mistake that has Luke worried about an email he sent to his boss, a rigorous debate about the movie “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, and — of course — the Seahawks dominant win in Sunday Night Football. 

Episode #2524: P Is For Vendetta

December 1, 2017 · Duration: 1:30:05 · Play

Luke wants people to stop booing him on stage, but he doesn’t know what to do about it, and Andrew is ZERO HELP. They also discuss another case of a mystery “Mad Pooper” who’s terrorizing Orchard Park, NY. Budweiser is working with the International Space Station so someday we can drink beer on Mars. And it’s Friday, so we have some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2523: The Bronos Quartet

November 30, 2017 · Duration: 1:11:14 · Play

Luke and Andrew learn about a “picky eating” disorder that makes Andrew’s issues with food seem almost normal. Meanwhile, Luke is trying to start a fight with the Kronos Quartet for some reason.

Episode #2522: Co-Bros, Co-Broing It Up

November 29, 2017 · Duration: 1:28:23 · Play

Luke and Andrew talk about the firing of Garrison Keillor and about other recent allegations against men abusing their power. It’s an usually serious conversation for TBTL, but it’s not all bad news: Luke’s also got a gross new food he wants to tell you about, and Andrew is trying to create an alliance with one of his neighbors. 

Episode #2521: Weird But Not Unprecedented

November 28, 2017 · Duration: 1:34:07 · Play

Luke discovers that he’s been playing Monopoly wrong his entire life, and that you might be, too. Andrew is dealing with some in-app-purchase regret. And we hear from a listener who was the victim of an unlocked bathroom door. 

Episode #2520: Actual Brothers

November 27, 2017 · Duration: 2:06:35 · Play

Andrew’s almost-perfect Thanksgiving was tarnished by a cat emergency that remains somewhat mysterious. Luke has an aggressive new plan to lose weight fast! And David Burbank (AKA “The Last Burbank”, AKA “Luke’s Real Brother”) joins them to talk Seahawks, Browns and the Apple Cup in this week’s No Point Conversion.

Episode #2517: A Blur Of Turtles

November 22, 2017 · Duration: 1:15:28 · Play

Luke and Andrew dive deep into the sewers to review the 1990 film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Today’s episode is part of our annual #PODCRAWL with our friends at Read It And Weep and The Flop House podcasts.

Episode #2516: Clean Boys Unite!

November 21, 2017 · Duration: 2:17:31 · Play

Andrew is dealing with some pre-Thanksgiving anxiety, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have advice for you regarding paper towels. He and Luke also compare notes on obsessive cleaning, unisex bathroom experiences, and why the pizza guy won’t put black olives on Luke’s dang pizza! Plus, David “The Last Burbank” Burbank joins the show to discuss the Seahawk’s frustrating defeat in No Point Conversion.

Episode #2515: A Boy Dog Named Suki

November 20, 2017 · Duration: 1:34:06 · Play

Luke and Carey swing by the law studios of Walsh, Walsh & Doormat to talk about iron lungs, Luke’s latest skateboarding heroics, and why Netflix is making people cry in public.  Also, Luke and Carey met Abraham Lincoln last week. For real. 

Episode #2513: Too Much Vitamin B

November 16, 2017 · Duration: 1:21:03 · Play

Luke and Andrew try to think up cool new mascot names for a Utah high school, and they visit with Brendan Francis Newnam from “The Dinner Party Download.” Oh, and stick around for Luke’s Billy-Corgan-Related-Radio-Interviewing Rabbit Hole buried at the end of the show.

Episode #2512: Catch The Pathos!

November 15, 2017 · Duration: 1:41:55 · Play

In light of the “PodFast” trend, Luke and Andrew listen to TBTL at various speeds to see if it ever becomes listenable. Also, after much consideration, Luke decides not to walk in Ric Flair’s footsteps. 

Episode #2510: The Woman In Question

November 13, 2017 · Duration: 1:16:34 · Play

Luke and Andrew witnessed an unusual altercation in a Chicago bar, and they leave no delicious detail untold. Plus, Luke’s onstage interview with a very famous actor was….difficult.

Episode #2509: Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Walsh?

November 10, 2017 · Duration: 1:35:38 · Play

Luke’s favorite doctor/columnist/over-achiever claims that airlines should stop handing out cocktail napkins. Andrew couldn’t disagree more. Plus, after day two of their public radio conference, Andrew realizes that he talks much too much. And, in a Friday edition of No Point Conversion, Luke wonders if Thursday Night Football is bad for NFL players.