Too Beautiful to Live is a daily podcast from Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh. It's about life, current events, pop culture, puttering, laser baldness helmets, and tonight pants.


Episode #2491: This Is Not A Cow-Wrangling Situation

October 17, 2017 · Duration: 1:38:03 · Play

Luke and his boat survive a major storm at Burbank Springs, despite all of Luke’s efforts to electrocute himself. Also, when a cow gets loose in Brooklyn, it tests the local media’s ability to stay with the story. And Andrew is struggling  not to let another petty grievance ruin his Trucktober.

Episode #2490: Hampy Dumptover

October 16, 2017 · Duration: 1:43:30 · Play

An airline that got bad press for freaking out its passengers mid-flight just did it again. Luke and Andrew discuss this and Andrew’s increasing fear of flying. Plus, Luke’s takes off his clothes in a parking garage, and no one even bothered to notice. And Seattle’s last umbrella shop is closing.

Episode #2489: A Poochie In A World Full Of Flanders

October 13, 2017 · Duration: 1:03:11 · Play

Luke did something super cool yesterday, and now he thinks he’s super cool. Plus, listeners weigh-in with follow-ups about creepin’ on airplanes and bribing front desk clerks. And because it’s Friday, we have some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2488: Petty Power Trips Of Pugnacious People

October 12, 2017 · Duration: 1:01:18 · Play

Luke encounters a TSA agent with a ‘tude, and the whole story gets Andrew’s blood up. They also call Luke’s mom, Susie, to ask her why she joined the TBTL Facebook group and if this means she’s started listening to the podcast. And a huge brawl breaks out at an American Legion post very close to TBTL’s heart.

Episode #2487: The Rough And Rowdy Comedians Of Yesteryear

October 11, 2017 · Duration: 58:55 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss tissue box design, the unusual reason Luke’s teachers hated him, why Andrew would trade 100 Mel Brooks for one Norman Lear, and whether TBTL needs to sue W. Kamau Bell. Plus, TOP STORIES: A Chinese city government cooks up the worst prank ever, and astronaut Scott Kelly learns something very interesting about a colleague’s brush with space death.

Episode #2486: Herkimer, The Kissing Bandit

October 10, 2017 · Duration: 1:27:56 · Play

Luke and Andrew add up all the hours and minutes they’ve spent waiting for various beats to drop and wonder what they’ve done with their lives. Plus, the newest Jeopary! star might be getting under Alex Trebek’s skin. And Andrew tests Luke’s Jeopardy! acumen. 

Episode #2485: A Five-Apple Room For Three-and-a-Half Apples

October 9, 2017 · Duration: 1:59:51 · Play

Luke and Andrew dig into an expose on what never to order at your favorite chain restaurant. Also, a McDonald’s sauce-related promotion causes chaos across the country. And Luke tries to help Andrew make sense of an ugly, ugly Browns world in this week’s No Point Conversion. 

Episode #2484: Hammy Down! Hammy Down!

October 6, 2017 · Duration: 1:21:11 · Play

Luke makes a new friend at a chain restaurant bar. Andrew defends one of the most maligned pop songs of the ’80s. And they discuss a controversial piece of advice offered to new podcasters. Plus, it’s a Friday, so you know we have some Music For Your Weekend.

Episode #2483: Schrödinger’s Browns

October 5, 2017 · Duration: 1:16:26 · Play

Luke, back from his star-studded visit to Portland, is dropping names like Kenny Britt drops footballs. He and Andrew discuss a new Wu-Tang mystery, proper mic-handling skills, and why Steve Earl had to tell Luke to stop touching him.

Episode #2482: Nobody Said That

October 4, 2017 · Duration: 58:31 · Play

It’s a TBTL Morning Zoo as Luke and Andrew drag themselves out of bed to discuss their stress dreams, trailers for polar-themed animated movies, and the UK Prime Minister’s awkward press conference. 

Episode #2481: The Wreck Of The Corsairs Of Umbar

October 3, 2017 · Duration: 1:47:36 · Play

Luke and Andrew usher in Trucktober with an appreciation of Tom Petty’s life and career. They also dive into an incredible story about an SNL star’s struggle with life and losing a role. Plus, Andrew falls for #fakenews, but Luke isn’t feeling punitive.

Episode #2480: Papyrus Was A Rolling Stone

October 2, 2017 · Duration: 1:48:22 · Play

David Burbank swings by Burbank Springs to talk to the boys about proper font choices, why he’s reading The Lord Of The Rings for the seventh time, and whether it’s okay to throw your dog poop in someone else’s trashcan. And they break down the Seahawks and Browns games in this week’s No Point Conversion.

Episode #2479: The Burp King Of Valley City, Ohio

September 29, 2017 · Duration: 1:22:40 · Play

Luke and Andrew admit to some pretty shady behavior on airplanes. They also discuss a list of the top 71 famous graduates from Luke’s college…and whether he made the cut. And it’s Friday, so we have some Music For Your Weekend.

Episode #2478: SaberMetric Shenanigans

September 28, 2017 · Duration: 1:18:53 · Play

Luke has a new exercise regime he wants to test out on-air. Andrew has some opinions about his friends’ Facebook posts. And they discuss Velcro’s new attempt to get people to *stop* saying “Velcro”.

Episode #2476: Uncle Chuck Harbinger And The Case Of The Tursk Rurbbert

September 26, 2017 · Duration: 56:37 · Play

Luke swings by the studios of Walsh, Walsh & Doormat to start eating the lunch his wife packed for him (even though it’s only 10am.) He and Andrew also discuss the latest scandal to hit a mediocre prime-time network television show. And: How Not To Hire A Handyman In Pittsburgh.

Episode #2475: A Case Of The Sundays

September 25, 2017 · Duration: 2:19:46 · Play

Luke’s wife, Carey, joins the show to set the record straight on some things. Luke and Andrew also discuss the harrowing story of a college student who found himself trapped in a cave for 3 days. And in this week’s No Point Conversion, they discuss the Seahawks loss this weekend and how players responded to the President’s demands to stand during the national anthem.

Episode #2474: New New New New New Luke

September 22, 2017 · Duration: 1:10:00 · Play

Luke has a dilemma that only a pair of fake, rubber ears can solve. New research on bathroom towels has Andrew disgusted and vindicated. Plus, some brand new Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2473: Slap Me And I’ll Slap You Back

September 21, 2017 · Duration: 1:06:41 · Play

Famous basketball player Kevin Durant got caught fighting with fans using a fake online name, but Luke and Andrew aren’t mad at him. Plus, we finally hear the other side of the story of The Man Who Was Trapped In The Bathroom On A First Date And Ended Up Marrying The Woman Who Rescued Him.

Episode #2472: Paint Me Yellow And Take Me To The Circle City

September 20, 2017 · Duration: 1:14:46 · Play

Luke checks-in from Indianapolis, where he’s reporting on a new park that is definitely not a park. He and Andrew talk about a woman in Colorado Springs who’s public enemy #1 because of her bathroom habits. And Andrew made a salad today, but that’s not really that interesting.

Episode #2471: A Feedback Loop Of Appreciation

September 19, 2017 · Duration: 1:05:53 · Play

Andrew gets some bad news about one of his favorite neighborhood watering holes.  Luke orders some very questionable business cards. And they learn why foreign diplomats in Cuba sometimes find mysterious “gifts” left in their toilets when they come home from work. 

Episode #2470: A Goatee Of Deodorant

September 18, 2017 · Duration: 1:41:09 · Play

Luke had a shaving emergency minutes before going on stage over the weekend, which necessitated some creative use of antiperspirant. Plus, the guys discuss two examples of people really stepping up and “going for it”, with very different results.

Episode #2469: Fireable Offenses Friday!

September 15, 2017 · Duration: 1:15:05 · Play

Andrew forces Luke to listen to more archival tape he found from Cleveland in the 1980s, and this time it pays off. Plus, a TBTL audio mystery, why the secret Wu-Tang album may not be a Wu-Tang album at all, and what makes LaCroix LaCroix. Plus, music for your weekend!

Episode #2468: The Great Stink of 2017

September 14, 2017 · Duration: 1:09:29 · Play

Andrew stumbled on some archival audio that he’s excited to play for Luke. Luke is excited about a giant ball of disgustingness that’s living below the streets of London. They discuss these topics and share a couple of pretty sad stories about fish.

Episode #2467: Blackbeard The Turnip Slayer

September 13, 2017 · Duration: 1:17:43 · Play

Luke is trying to find a hat that looks like one in Dirty Dancing. Andrew’s quasi-obsession with Monk is getting more Monk-y. Luke also weighs in on the new iPhone unveiling, which Andrew’s apparently been having bad dreams about (that, and 7-foot bug monsters.)