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Too Beautiful to Live is a daily podcast from Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh. It's about life, current events, pop culture, puttering, laser baldness helmets, and tonight pants.


Episode #2838: Banh Meh

February 15, 2019 · Duration: 1:31:32 · Play

Dan Pashman of the Sporkful Podcast joins Luke and Andrew to talk about a Chuck E. Cheese conspiracy, bad food fonts, and his upcoming show in Portland! Get tickets here to see the Sporkful tomorrow at the Listen-Up Festival!

Episode #2836: Pants On The Sound

February 13, 2019 · Duration: 1:24:03 · Play

A celebration of Kimmy Schmidt turns into a conversation about free speech and “PC culture.” Didn’t see that one coming! Plus, listeners weigh in on the case of Andrew v. Ruffians Throwing Snowballs At Cars.

Episode #2835: Look Who’s Twinsing Two!

February 12, 2019 · Duration: 1:37:09 · Play

Andrew is upset about some area toughs throwing SNOWBALLS of all things. Meanwhile, Luke has been doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re buried under a mountain of snow: Watching TONS of TV. He weighs-in on Pete Holmes’ Crashing, Three Identical Strangers, The Ted Bundy Tapes, and Abducted in Plain Sight. And we learn more about the Burbank Russet potato than anyone ever thought possible. 

Episode #2834: The Marie Condor Method

February 11, 2019 · Duration: 1:31:02 · Play

Luke and Andrew swap snow stories as the Pacific Northwest continues to get buried. Plus, Luke is ready to start his new life in retail arbitrage after reading an article about it, and Andrew has a real moment with a hummingbird. 

Episode #2833: A Favela of Esoterica

February 8, 2019 · Duration: 1:18:38 · Play

Luke swings by the offices of Walsh, Walsh & Doormat to swap stories with Andrew of a city on the brink of collapse as an impending snowstorm bears down…supposedly. 

Episode #2832: Breath, Body and Pirate Treasure

February 7, 2019 · Duration: 1:01:14 · Play

Luke is watching the weather as an impending snowstorm may ruin his plans for the next few days. Meanwhile, Andrew tries to resurrect a classic TBTL segment, and he accidentally teaches Luke how to grift the government.

Episode #2831: One Crime, Please! **Ding!**

February 6, 2019 · Duration: 1:55:44 · Play

Luke and Andrew go down their bi-annual Yakov Smirnoff rabbit hole and explore some of his work helping people with their relationships. Plus, ESPN wrote a fascinating story about stadium restrooms, and an undercover seal is used to test people on network security (at least, that’s Andrew’s theory).

Episode #2830: Extremely Online!

February 5, 2019 · Duration: 1:49:23 · Play

Luke’s relationship with his basketball nemesis continues to evolve…but not in a great way? He and Andrew also discuss the world’s most famous egg (sorry, Winlock, it ain’t yours.)

Episode #2829: Snow Big Deal

February 4, 2019 · Duration: 1:10:35 · Play

A surprising snowfall in the Northwest has left Andrew giddy and Luke without heat. They also discuss yesterday’s “The Big Game” and finally offer their definitive review of the 1993 film Groundhog Day (they like it.) 

Episode #2828: When Life Gives You Lemmings…

February 1, 2019 · Duration: 1:50:11 · Play

Luke’s descent into old age continues with a shockingly early bedtime and a new foot massager. Meanwhile, Andrew finally gets a glimpse of Luke’s famous beer commercial, which won’t air during the Super Bowl. And TBTL presents Part 2 of Reader’s Digest’s Fascinating Facts That Are False!

Episode #2827: Undigested Co-Conspirator

January 31, 2019 · Duration: 1:36:51 · Play

Luke and Andrew dive into the latest issue of Reader’s Digest and share some truly Dazzling Deets about everything from frog’s eyes to Hitler’s nephew.

Episode #2826: Dance Of The Jabber-Mouth

January 30, 2019 · Duration: 1:16:46 · Play

Luke and Andrew check-in on The StuBot and his family in St. Cloud, MN, where it’s currently 35 degrees below zero. They also realize they are doing poorly when it comes to their Employee Review process. And Luke is having some second thoughts regarding his sporting life.

Episode #2825: Pipe Dreams

January 29, 2019 · Duration: 1:33:52 · Play

Luke mixes things up with one of his new basketball buddies, and Andrew performs the grossest and most satisfying home repair imaginable.

Episode #2824: More Than A Movie, More Than A Movie To Me…

January 28, 2019 · Duration: 1:36:20 · Play

Luke is blown away by a movie that he never thought he’d be interested in, and Andrew holds his nose and plunges into one of the Fyre Fest documentaries. Plus, can sports fandom influence a presidential election (ahem, Mr. Howard Schultz)? And is it okay to hide speed cameras behind port-o-potties? 

Episode #2823: Dynamite The T1 Line!

January 25, 2019 · Duration: 1:29:55 · Play

Luke makes Andrew very anxious by airing a voicemail from their colleague without reviewing it first. Meanwhile, Andrew develops a One-Person-Per-Platform social media strategy. And they make up for the Blursday wishes they missed yesterday. 

Episode #2822: Don’t Fear The Leather

January 24, 2019 · Duration: 1:33:28 · Play

Luke unwittingly becomes the most popular guy at the rental car counter in Bellingham. Meanwhile, in Seattle, Andrew risks another uncomfortable interaction when he returns to the Whole Foods parking lot that got him in trouble yesterday. Plus, we hear about the self-made (and self-proclaimed) laundryman to the stars! 

Episode #2821: Only Fools Flush In

January 23, 2019 · Duration: 1:06:16 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss the kid-friendly merits of The A-Team vs MacGyver. Plus, doctors say you can train your body to need the bathroom at a certain time, and — unrelatedly — Andrew shares a shameful encounter he had in the Whole Foods parking lot yesterday.

Episode #2820: Brohemian Rhapsody

January 22, 2019 · Duration: 1:48:21 · Play

Luke discovers secret art in a billionaire’s backyard and also has a revelation about Sinead O’Connor. Meanwhile, Andrew launches a defense of beat-up cars and cracked smartphone screens.

Episode #2819: Five Easy Craisins

January 21, 2019 · Duration: 52:13 · Play

Luke has a new way of meditating that involves fruit, and Andrew has a new way of looking at trees, thanks to APM’s new poetry podcast. They also discuss bottled water circa 1993, and they try to untangle their feelings about Malcolm Gladwell.

Episode #2818: From Dusk Till Yawn

January 18, 2019 · Duration: 1:14:40 · Play

Luke’s adventures in Atlanta continue as he spends the night in a Waffle House full of tuxedoed Republicans. He and Andrew also discuss the story of a large English family that wreaked absolute havoc on New Zealand.

Episode #2817: It’s Jelly O’Clock Somewhere!

January 17, 2019 · Duration: 1:27:01 · Play

Luke checks-in from Atlanta, where he is now officially a Waffle House team member! He tells Andrew about his experience working as a short-order cook, and they finally discuss the lawsuit against Netflix over “Bandersnatch.”

Episode #2816: More Like “Borndersnortch”

January 16, 2019 · Duration: 1:11:15 · Play

Luke swings by the studios of Walsh, Walsh & Doormat to help Andrew with some Twitter-related issues. Plus, Andrew shares a (pre-approved) dream that may end up changing his career trajectory. They never get to Top Stories, but they do share some great TV Guide #content.

Episode #2815: Organizing Principals

January 15, 2019 · Duration: 1:16:44 · Play

Luke’s feelings on Marie Kondo’s approach to organizing is evolving…leading him to de-clutter a crawl space in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, Andrew has plenty of regrets over stuff that he’s eliminated from his life. And they both weigh-in on the president’s fast-food feast prepared for visiting athletes. (Why so much Filet-O-Fish?)

Episode #2814: A Huge Prog Rock Hole

January 14, 2019 · Duration: 1:33:19 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss the end of a local radio show that is very close to their hearts. Luke also weighs in on the new Marie Kondo Netflix show, and Andrew listens to Squeeze for the very first time (and he likes it!)