Too Beautiful to Live is a daily podcast from Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh. It's about life, current events, pop culture, puttering, laser baldness helmets, and tonight pants.


Episode #2747: Daaaaamn, Damp Boys!

October 11, 2018 · Duration: 1:12:44 · Play

Luke and Andrew return to “Studio P” to discuss Liam Neeson’s relationship with a very special horse, some Holy Water that’s going to need to be Re-Holy’d, and an obvious fact about the Beatles that eluded Luke for 42 years.

Episode #2746: A Duck Blind Of Lucite

October 10, 2018 · Duration: 1:29:26 · Play

Luke and Andrew had quite the night at St. Paul’s legendary Mancini’s Char House and met some new friends. And their friend and colleague Stu “Riverboi” Neuman swings by to bring you the top stories coming out of St. Cloud, MN.

Episode #2745: The Applebee’s Of Our Minds

October 9, 2018 · Duration: 1:16:42 · Play

Luke and Andrew get excited about their upcoming trip to Mancini’s Char House in St. Paul, and they rank America’s most celebrated blue collar poets. We also learn, thanks to the New York Times, that Luke is a “time optimist” and Andrew is a “time realist.” This explains a lot. 

Episode #2743: Kids Shred The Darnedest Things

October 5, 2018 · Duration: 1:34:59 · Play

Andrew gives Luke a full report on his visit to the dermatologist’s office yesterday, against everyone’s better judgement. Plus, a man realizes the rock he’s been using as a doorstop is worth more money than his house. And we hear from a listener who thinks the big trending internet story of the day is a hoax. 

Episode #2742: Blurdy Is The New Thirty!

October 4, 2018 · Duration: 1:12:22 · Play

Luke drank a bad can of Diet Coke, and now he’s probably going to die on air. Plus, Alex Trebek moderates a debate, and it does not go well at all! And we meet a Maine woman who makes art out of moose poop. 

Episode #2741: Dr. Frankenclaim’s Jumper

October 3, 2018 · Duration: 1:22:52 · Play

Luke and Andrew begin the show early so they can receive the very first Presidential Alert text message live on the show. It. Is. THRILLING. They also discuss the first public-scooter-related DUI, and Andrew has a food-related confession. 

Episode #2740: The War Of Pizza Aggression

October 2, 2018 · Duration: 1:20:31 · Play

Luke and Andrew announce the details of next week’s live show in Minneapolis (Thurs 10/11 at Bauhaus Brew Labs, 7:30PM!), and they already know what mistakes they are going to make on stage. Plus, a man in Oregon booby-traps his house in a very dangerous (but admittedly fascinating) way. 

Episode #2739: Mole Country For Old Men

October 1, 2018 · Duration: 1:58:49 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss dermatology, famous assassins, and the Half Marathon Luke ran over the weekend. Plus, a news story about a “gender reveal” party gone wrong leads to some confessions from Andrew. And Luke and Andrew discuss the bonkers Browns and Seahawks games in this week’s No Point Conversion.

Episode #2738: It’s Not A Spray, It’s A Powder

September 28, 2018 · Duration: 1:12:25 · Play

Luke’s voice and brain are scrambled, despite making good decisions the night before. And on the subject of things that are scrambled, Luke and Andrew discuss the bizarre popularity of Taco Bell breakfast, despite the fact that even Taco Bell admits their coffee is horrible. 

Episode #2737: White Gravy

September 27, 2018 · Duration: 1:11:50 · Play

Luke is back at the studios of Walsh, Walsh and Doormat to recap last night’s TBTL Mariners event and to discuss his “boyfriend shirt.” Plus, a man in Ireland does what we all want to do at the airport.

Episode #2735: A Blob Of Weird, Jiggling Fun

September 25, 2018 · Duration: 1:52:03 · Play

Philly’s hockey team just unveiled their new mascot, and it is NOT getting the respect it clearly deserves. Plus, Luke and Andrew learn something amazing about the TV show Growing Pains.

Episode #2734: That’s A Donor, Bro!

September 24, 2018 · Duration: 3:03:22 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss the Washington Post’s feature on Chevy Chase, which does not exactly paint the comedian in glory. Plus, a seafood proprietor in Maine has started getting her lobsters stoned before boiling them, and scientists are experimenting with giving octopodes ecstasy. Plus, it’s a Monday, so we discuss the Seahawks and Browns in the latest installment of No Point Conversion!

Episode #2733: Less Shame

September 21, 2018 · Duration: 1:32:42 · Play

Andrew regrets his opening joke and Luke decides to play voicemail message his agent left him that literally starts with the words “this is off the record”… so you can imagine how that ends. Also, way more about the performer “Afroman” than you were expecting, and Andrew gets a do-over on his joke at the end of the show – with mixed results.

Episode #2732: Recovering the Sadellites

September 20, 2018 · Duration: 1:19:15 · Play

Luke helps Andrew prepare for the Browns football party he’s throwing tonight. They argue about bean dip. Plus, Maroon 5 is tapped to perform at the Super Bowl, and people are NOT happy about it. 

Episode #2730: Let Go And Let Loosey

September 18, 2018 · Duration: 2:20:14 · Play

A report claims that people are getting divorced because of the video game Fortnite. Andrew decides to put his own relationship to a test by downloading the game. Plus, Luke finds out what people think of his job as a podcaster after seeing him in action. And it’s a special Tuesday edition of No Point Conversion!

Episode #2729: Large Adult Dinguses

September 17, 2018 · Duration: 1:35:53 · Play

Luke tried a new approach to public speaking this weekend, and it may change everything he does from this point forward. Meanwhile, the mysterious sound of children singing late into the night has an English village very creeped-out.

Episode #2726: The Mystery Of The Millionaire Pastoralist

September 12, 2018 · Duration: 1:06:17 · Play

Luke vigorously defends celery against the legions of celery haters out there. He also has an update on the giant lobster that was facing destruction in Australia. And a listener shares a scary story about an airplane trip over the Great Lakes. 

Episode #2725: The Opposite Of E

September 11, 2018 · Duration: 1:18:47 · Play

Luke and Andrew discover an amazing new product called “water bottles.” They spread the word on that, and they discuss the world’s most unexpected flag football success  story. 

Episode #2724: Cautiously Pessimistic

September 10, 2018 · Duration: 2:16:15 · Play

Luke and Carey found themselves in another scary boating adventure this weekend – and this one even made the news. Carey joins the show to talk about that. Plus, Luke and Andrew discuss people who got Domino’s tattoos in exchange for free pizza. And No Point Conversion returns with a recap of the Seahawks’ and Browns’ opening games.