Too Beautiful to Live is a daily podcast from Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh. It's about life, current events, pop culture, puttering, laser baldness helmets, and tonight pants.


Episode #2508: The Kanyes Of Chicago

November 9, 2017 · Duration: 1:02:25 · Play

Luke and Andrew are in Chicago for a public radio conference, and they’re off to a rocky start. Luke is crippled with insecurity, and Andrew is crippled with a wounded tongue that just won’t heal. 

Episode #2505: You’ve Been MacDougald!

November 6, 2017 · Duration: 1:45:44 · Play

Luke just landed in New York Jersey, and boy are his arms tired. He and Andrew discuss the neighbor who assaulted Rand Paul (Luke’s got a theory on what caused that confrontation.) They also debate whether or not Andrew’s new coffee creamer is an indicator of middle age.

Episode #2504: New York Jersey

November 3, 2017 · Duration: 1:30:58 · Play

Luke swings by the offices of Walsh, Walsh and Doormat to talk about the anonymous Twitter employee who deactivated President Trump’s account on his way out the door. He and Andrew also discuss the best way to interview a cartoonist on stage in front of a lot of people. And it’s Friday, so we have some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2503: Number 18 With A Bullet

November 2, 2017 · Duration: 1:08:00 · Play

Rico Gagliano joins Luke and Andrew to talk about the final episode of The Dinner Party Download, which will tape in Seattle on November 16th. They also talk about why brunch is bad, but a Bob Dylan animated series would be good. Plus, Luke finds out that he’s the recipient of a prestigious award.

Episode #2502: Do You Even Yo Yo Yo, Bro?

November 1, 2017 · Duration: 1:21:13 · Play

We finally hear whether or not Luke and Carey’s extremely extensive efforts to attract Trick or Treaters actually paid off. Plus, a TBTL conspiracy involving Chris Hayes has Luke and Andrew questioning every aspect of their perceived realities. 

Episode #2501: You’ve Been Spooktaculared!

October 31, 2017 · Duration: 1:38:31 · Play

It’s the 2017 TBTL Halloween Spooktacular! Parts of today’s show also aired on Seattle public radio last night, and Luke and Andrew received some….let’s say “strong” feedback this morning. Plus, as is tradition, they listen back to Dave Boze’s real-life horror story as he told it to Luke and Jen 10 years ago. 

Episode #2500: Hotel Pastry Chet

October 30, 2017 · Duration: 2:24:37 · Play

Luke broke his face this weekend, but not how you think. He explains how he tried to hide the damage. Plus, Andrew quizzes him (with help from the New York Times) on holiday travel hacks. And they look back on an unusually exciting weekend of football in No Point Conversion. (Oh, also, the show is like two-and-a-half hours long. So buckle up, and drink plenty of water.)

Episode #2499: As Useless As A Second Shoe Emoji

October 27, 2017 · Duration: 1:30:05 · Play

Luke joins the show from Chicago, where he ate four hotdogs FOR HIS JOB yesterday. Andrew’s fine with that. They also discuss a report that says Luke shouldn’t try to think big thoughts while he’s jogging, but Andrew’s not having it. And it’s Friday, so we have some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2498: The Drawer Of Broken Dreams

October 26, 2017 · Duration: 1:24:08 · Play

Nick Jarin swings by TBTL to talk Andrew through a significant life change. Plus, Patton Oswalt reacts PERFECTLY to a tweet that criticizes one of his jokes. And Amazon wants you to let delivery drivers into your house when you’re not there. You cool with that?

Episode #2497: Real Talk 101

October 25, 2017 · Duration: 1:15:11 · Play

Things get silly as Luke and Andrew discuss what Peter Frampton would sing about if he were Australian, why Andrew considers  Luke to be the Albert Einstein of podcasting, and the best way to get eaten by a crocodile. Also, Andrew says some regrettable things about his great grandma. 

Episode #2496: Andrew “The Human Microwave” Walsh

October 24, 2017 · Duration: 1:09:22 · Play

Luke joins the show from New York City, where, it turns out, few salsas are actually mass produced. He and Andrew also discuss the anti-straw movement, how not to eat with chopsticks, and a doping scandal at the Iditarod.

Episode #2495: Are You Ready For Some Swimming?!

October 23, 2017 · Duration: 1:47:29 · Play

Luke swings by the studios of Walsh, Walsh & Doormat to try a dental experiment on himself. Plus, airplane stalking goes viral, and we get some dazzling details about those giant American flags that the NFL uses during games. And this week’s No Point Conversion has Luke feeling good about the Seahawks and Andrew feeling very, very, very bad about the Cleveland Browns.

Episode #2494: The Poor Man’s Positive K

October 20, 2017 · Duration: 1:29:03 · Play

Luke and Andrew have a follicle follow-up after discovering Matthew McConaughey’s secret to regrowing hair. Plus, Luke uncovers some mystery tape from a pivotal moment in TBTL history. And it’s Friday, so get ready for some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2493: No Excuses, Just Apologies

October 19, 2017 · Duration: 1:19:30 · Play

Luke and Andrew try to win over a new listener they just met on Twitter.  It’s not going well. Plus, Luke’s been stalking reality show contestants, Matthew McConaughey’s Power Stance raises some interesting questions about scientific research, and the CIA does social media.

Episode #2492: The Quizzer Becomes The Quizzie

October 18, 2017 · Duration: 1:19:01 · Play

The Great Darkness continues in Bellingham, Washington, where the Bay Kitty is searching for higher ground to escape to. Luke and Andrew also pay tribute to the Tragically Hip’s Gord Downie, who passed away last night. And a very unusual event on Jeopardy! yesterday lands Andrew in the hot seat. 

Episode #2491: This Is Not A Cow-Wrangling Situation

October 17, 2017 · Duration: 1:38:03 · Play

Luke and his boat survive a major storm at Burbank Springs, despite all of Luke’s efforts to electrocute himself. Also, when a cow gets loose in Brooklyn, it tests the local media’s ability to stay with the story. And Andrew is struggling  not to let another petty grievance ruin his Trucktober.

Episode #2490: Hampy Dumptover

October 16, 2017 · Duration: 1:43:30 · Play

An airline that got bad press for freaking out its passengers mid-flight just did it again. Luke and Andrew discuss this and Andrew’s increasing fear of flying. Plus, Luke’s takes off his clothes in a parking garage, and no one even bothered to notice. And Seattle’s last umbrella shop is closing.

Episode #2489: A Poochie In A World Full Of Flanders

October 13, 2017 · Duration: 1:03:11 · Play

Luke did something super cool yesterday, and now he thinks he’s super cool. Plus, listeners weigh-in with follow-ups about creepin’ on airplanes and bribing front desk clerks. And because it’s Friday, we have some Music For Your Weekend!

Episode #2488: Petty Power Trips Of Pugnacious People

October 12, 2017 · Duration: 1:01:18 · Play

Luke encounters a TSA agent with a ‘tude, and the whole story gets Andrew’s blood up. They also call Luke’s mom, Susie, to ask her why she joined the TBTL Facebook group and if this means she’s started listening to the podcast. And a huge brawl breaks out at an American Legion post very close to TBTL’s heart.

Episode #2487: The Rough And Rowdy Comedians Of Yesteryear

October 11, 2017 · Duration: 58:55 · Play

Luke and Andrew discuss tissue box design, the unusual reason Luke’s teachers hated him, why Andrew would trade 100 Mel Brooks for one Norman Lear, and whether TBTL needs to sue W. Kamau Bell. Plus, TOP STORIES: A Chinese city government cooks up the worst prank ever, and astronaut Scott Kelly learns something very interesting about a colleague’s brush with space death.

Episode #2486: Herkimer, The Kissing Bandit

October 10, 2017 · Duration: 1:27:56 · Play

Luke and Andrew add up all the hours and minutes they’ve spent waiting for various beats to drop and wonder what they’ve done with their lives. Plus, the newest Jeopary! star might be getting under Alex Trebek’s skin. And Andrew tests Luke’s Jeopardy! acumen. 

Episode #2485: A Five-Apple Room For Three-and-a-Half Apples

October 9, 2017 · Duration: 1:59:51 · Play

Luke and Andrew dig into an expose on what never to order at your favorite chain restaurant. Also, a McDonald’s sauce-related promotion causes chaos across the country. And Luke tries to help Andrew make sense of an ugly, ugly Browns world in this week’s No Point Conversion. 

Episode #2484: Hammy Down! Hammy Down!

October 6, 2017 · Duration: 1:21:11 · Play

Luke makes a new friend at a chain restaurant bar. Andrew defends one of the most maligned pop songs of the ’80s. And they discuss a controversial piece of advice offered to new podcasters. Plus, it’s a Friday, so you know we have some Music For Your Weekend.